I’m wondering where the hell the last 6 1/2 years of my life just went.
I swear, about twenty minutes ago I was 30 and under the knife in the O.R., crying with joy as I heard the first infant cries of my oldest son when he was pulled from my body.
Today he tested out of his white belt in his karate class, counting from one to ten in Japanese all by his lonesome, and throwing out some pretty sweet knife hand punches and crescent kicks. He walked away from his sensei after his test holding his brand spankin’ new yellow stripe belt out to me, his smile so huge I thought it would blow the roof off the place. Plus, he got the “Student of the Day” sticker (probably because there were only two kids in this class this Spring Break week, including him, and the other kid got it on Monday). Cue the crying, Mom.
I can see that I will be crying my way through my boys’ youths, but only partially because of the pride at the walking and the talking and the solo peeing and the staying out of jail (God willing).
The rest of the tears will be shed because I’m tearing through my OWN youth. When I was in my twenties, it felt like I would be in my twenties forever. I lolligagged those years away like I had about 600 more of the same comin’ right up behind me. I took for granted my silent knees (which now, three years from 4-0, crack like MoFos all day long), my perky boobs (which were so very pert, they were their own cheerleading squad), and my baby’s-butt-smooth face (now if I want to pat something silky, it is actually my real baby’s butt).
I feel like I’m in a time wormhole; you know, like in sci-fi movies. And I’m starting to look as scary as the characters in those films–like that wacked-out chick in Star Wars episode whatever-it’s-numbered-now, that’s walking up this long flight of steps in a flowing white gown with a relatively hot body (minus the hot body) and these grotesque tentacles hanging off the sides of her head. They used my head for that character mock-up.
Whatever. I’m vain. I just hope that my boy, when he maybe gets his black belt after like 8 years of karate classes, is still proud to walk over and show his old baggy mom his belt. If he can find me under the tentacles.
