1. On your baby’s third birthday you post a sale ad on Craig’s List and have strangers traipsing into his bedroom and carrying out all his furniture for the next week (prompting lots of crying and shouts of, “Mommy! She’s takin’ my wockin’ chair!”).
2. You consider looking up the school superintendent’s home address after 5 snow day cancellations in two weeks so you can egg his house.
3. Eight straight hours of sleep leaves you feeling “not quite rested.”
4. You’re walking home from a neighborhood festival with your family and you feel a sudden urge to sprint the rest of the way as fast as Maurice Greene (and you actually do) because you can no longer bear to shuffle along at 0.0000000006 mph.
5. Your posture is so screwed up from carrying people inside and attached to your body that you feel like Tolkien used your likeness in creating The Hobbit.
6. You’ve deleted the bookmarked baby naming websites from your favorites and replaced them with those of reputable cosmetic surgeons.
