These select highlights from today day never, ever happened, and never, ever would have happened before I had my sweet two children.
1. A potty chair of full of pee sat next to my kitchen refrigerator for two hours before I had a chance to empty it (attributable to long-bathroom-renovation story).
2. After my own tinkle time in my own real bathroom and the startling realization that I had no toilet paper nearby or even anywhere in the house, I had to wipe with the only soft thing within reach–a discarded, holey kid sock in the bathroom trash can.
3. I put a half-eaten chicken nugget in my coat pocket and carried it around there all day.
4. The millisecond that I opened my eyes this morning, I saw small children, a pink plastic pig and twenty dollars in quarters all spread out next to my face.
5. I fantasized about working in a cubicle next to a loud talker who loudly clipped his thick toenails at lunchtime. (This person actually exists. I used to work next to him).
